"Murmer"

I think sometimes we get caught up in another aspect of a fictitious reality in this blogging world, because of the fashion and beauty facets that are some of the main factors we like to write about. I for one am very guilty of this, we portray even our own selves as a certain type of person, and you may think you know me but it's only from what is shared. Everyone's perspective of people is only how much they are let in. I'd like to open up and be real for a moment to share about my anxiety I have struggled with since being a very young girl. I don't want to share too much because it's hard for me to open up about it and "go there" myself; but I have obsessive compulsive disorder, a pretty serious case that I used to struggle with a lot in my younger years, and social anxiety. These This video I shot with the incredible film maker Naz based in Toronto was meant as an artistic piece for the blog, but became something even more beautiful to me, and allowed me to open up and write, even this much about this piece. I used to be on medication for my OCD because sometimes it can become quite debilitating, with feeling the need to repeat things a lot like steps, car rides, even sentences. About 5 years ago I chose to go off of the medication because I no longer wanted that numb feeling in life, and would rather live each day as a struggle or challenge if you will, but still feel. This doesn't mean I am against medication for others as I know it is very helpful, and doesn't say that I myself may not go back to it someday, maybe as a mother or if things become tougher again. I just wanted to say that much, and to share to others that suffer from any sort of mental illness that I understand, and we are all in this together. That things can seem so real and the fear can seem so real, but its not, and we are strong enough.

MURMER from NAZFILMS on Vimeo.

A short Film by Naz